Because of you, I'm alive again
by SouleaterShinigami
Summary: 'Why did it come to this again' Matthew has almost no one as a real friend, and believes he'll never find his love. But a certain charming Prussian believes he can prove him wrong. Self-harm, yaoi, BoyxBoy, PrussiaxCanada, GIlbertxMatthew, PruCan. Don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1: Why did it come to this?

**Hello! I know there's heaps of Matthew depression/self-harm fics out there, but I wanted to upload this as it is modeled after some hard things I went/ am going through, so please don't flame me.**

**I want to thank cr4n3k1n9 for talking with me before I typed this. ****  
**

**Rated T for possible curses, or implied sexual nature in the future.  
**

**I do not own Hetalia, Hidekaz Himaruya does.**

* * *

Matthew sat on his bedroom floor, tears streaming down his face. He knew the music in the room was screaming, but he could hardly hear it over his own heartbeat. He stared at the blade on the floor.

'Why did it need to come to this again?' he thought.

_Back home, off the run,_

_Singing songs that make you slit your wrists,_

_It isn't that much fun, staring down a loaded gun_

Matthew jumped when he heard a loud knocking.

"Turn down that goddamn music, you screw up!" bellowed his step-mother, Aimee.

He hated her so much. Mostly because the hated him from the start. The only people that usually ever noticed him were his father (Francis), his brother (Alfred) and Aimee. Sometimes he wished Aimee couldn't see him.

"Fine Aimee." Mattie replied, turning down his music.

After she did that, he knew she would get into his room soon, so he quickly grabbed his blade, quickly slicing across his thigh in the shape of a broken heart with considerable force. He grabbed bandages, wrapping with experience. He decided upon wearing long sweats and a hoodie –not like he had much of a choice- for the day. He left his room to find Aimee lazing on the couch.

"I was kind enough to put the coffee on. Now do something useful and pour me some. Make me food too!" she barked.

"Yes ma'am."

Matthew walked to the kitchen, pouring a mug of coffee. Once he had finished in the kitchen, he gave Aimee her food and started quietly off to his room.

"You have school tomorrow. Go get your stuff ready."

Matthew gave a small nod in return. He already had everything ready, so he just ran to his room and cried.

"Mattie?" he heard a small voice whisper from beside him.

'Well, that was quieter than usual. Not like him at all.' Matthew thought.

"Yeah Alfr-" before he could finish, he was enveloped in a bear hug.

"She hurt you again, didn't she?" tears threatened to spill at the edge of Al's eyes.

Matt grabbed his shoulders, pushing back to look into his eyes. He wiped away the one tear that slipped away.

"She just yelled, I'm fine." He smiled and cuddled close to Al.

They fell asleep like that until they were woken by the smell of Francis' cooking. Even through dinner, they were close. After an hour of television, they slipped out of the room and off to bed. Alfred had deemed it necessary to stay and cuddle Matthew for the night.

Honestly, it was exactly what he needed.

Someone for comfort.

* * *

**Read & review please!**

**Followers of Fairy Tail Friendships, I should be uploading with in the next week or two.  
**

**Followers of Glorified Otaku Love, I'm sorry, but I'm discontinuing it.  
**


	2. Chapter 2: Cute as a Birdie

**Hey guys. I'm still undecided on the place, but I found a way around it. You can still recommend a place if you like. Don't own Hetalia.**

* * *

Mattie woke up the next morning to face his big brother, who currently was snoring his head off. He pushed some hair out of his face before climbing up out of the bed. He read 6 am on the clock as he turned to his closet, picking out red skinnies and a YGOTAS t-shirt, getting a black hoodie with a maple leaf ready for when he left for school. Afterwards, he went out to the kitchen, collecting all the ingredients he needed for a breakfast of bacon, eggs and pancakes. About 40 minutes later, Mattie heard his father's and brother's alarms go off. Matt dished up the meal as they both walked into sight. Aimee never got up before lunch, but he still made her some.

" Ris is 'eribush." Alfred managed to get out between chews.

"Manners please, Al." Francis requested, holding in laughter.

He swallowed before speaking again. "Sorry, dad."

While Al ate, Mattie went and got his bag and hoodie. He decided to grab Al's bag, checking his timetable and packing what he needed (Because he's an unorganised fool). He then went and gathered the two lunches he made. After Al had finished, they grabbed their stuff and got into Al's car.

* * *

They reached the school around 8:20, so they headed off to meet their friends. Matthew headed to a bench he knew his friend would be at. As if to confirm that thought, he could hear screeches of an Italian accent.

"I've told you a million times already, don't call me a friggin' tomato, you bastard!"

"But Lovi, you blush as red as one! It's so cute."

A loud smack was audible in the courtyard. Matthew decided to stop the imminent fight.

"Lovino!"

"Matthew?"

The Italian boy looked up and beamed at his best friend. He walked over to him, enveloping him in a hug similar to his brother does.

"You okay?" Lovi asked.

"As good as ever."

Lovi gave him another hug before speaking again.

"Why don't we head to form class early to get seats in the back. The bell's gonna go in a few minutes anyway."

Matt nodded his head, and they started off to face the rest of their day.

* * *

Matthew somehow got through his math and English classes and headed out to the courtyard. He could see 6 of the usual 7 who sat with him, Arthur sitting next to Al, Lovi feeding Antonio, and Kiku sitting in Heracles lap. Only Feli was missing. He went over an sat down on the ground near his brother. He noticed everyone was with their boyfriend, and he felt oh so lonely, sitting without one. He just sat and ate in silence.

"Have you guys heard about the new German students?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah, I'm friends with the albino one, Gilbert. He's pretty awesome," replied Toni, "Feli was asked to show them around. He's getting pretty close to Gilbert's brother, Ludwig."

From that comment, Lovino was fuming. All Antonio did was laugh.

"Don't worry, he's coming back here with them."

"Good, I can keep an eye on my idiot fratellino."  
"Ciao, ve~!"

A high pitched voice was quite audible. Everyone turned to see the two foreign boys with Feli. Everyone but Matt.

"Matthew, ve~?"

He looked up to see Feli grinning widely.

"This is Gilbert Beilschmidt. You both have the same elective classes!"

He looked to the Albino boy behind him and his eyes widened.

'He's extremely hot!' Mattie thought.

"Hey, I'm Gil, but you could call me awesome." He grinned.

"H-hey, I'm Matthew."

"I think I'll call you Birdie."

"Huh?"

"Because you're so freaking cute. Just like a little birdie."

Gilbert smirked at looked Mattie in the eyes.

'I have a feeling something bad will happen.'

* * *

**Well, there you have it. Chapter 2.**

**No flame please. I'm sorry that it was mostly filler.**


	3. Chapter 3: Why would you say that!

**Alright guys. Quality might be slipping near the end. And it mighty just be bad. R & R, but please no flame.**

**I don't own Hetalia, or these two main characters would be in it more.**

**Also, blame my laziness and oy of LittleKuriboh, ShadyVox and TeamFourStar for the lateness.**

* * *

Matthew walked with Gilbert to their Food Studies classroom. For some reason, Lovino decided it was a good idea to get him to show him around. He thought back to the lunch only 15 minutes ago.

"_Because you're so freaking cute. Just like a little birdie."_

_Gilbert smirked at looked Mattie in the eyes. Matthew looked at him just as Alfred stood and loomed over Gilbert._

"_What. Did. You. Just. Say?" he asked through grit teeth_

"_I said he's cute what's wrong with that?"_

_Suddenly Al raised his face to stare Gilbert in the eyes._

"_Better make sure that statement never comes back around to bite you in the butt."_

_Lovino interrupted the awkward silence. "Don't worry, he's just protective. But I think you should show him around Matt."_

Matthew shivered at his thoughts.

"You okay, Birdi—I mean, Matthew?"

Matt turned and smiled lightly. "Yeah, of course. You don't have to call me Matt, you can call me Birdie if you like. I want to be friends, so whatever makes you comfortable."

Gilbert was pretty sure his heart skipped a beat after Matthew giggled. He decided to smile back. It was more of a grin actually, the facial expression everyone used to know him for.

"So we have both our elective classes together?" Gil asked.

"Yeah, and science and history."

"Well, that's good. You'll be able to show me around?"

"Mhm." Matt giggled.

* * *

Once they left their class, their food inn hand, Matt stared showing Gill around. Once he had shown him everything he needed and wanted to see, they spent the last 10 minutes of their break talking.

"So, which one of you is the older brother?"

"Alfred… the one that threatened you."  
"Oh yeah. Why is he so protective of you?"  
Matt's eyes opened wider, thinking of something to say. "I.. Uh, I have a hard time… being around people and um, he just wants to make sure I… don't… get too… scared?"

Gilbert tilted his head to the side as if to say he didn't believe him. Matthew sighed and looked down, yet suddenly two warm hands wrapped around his.  
"I may not have known you for long, but I tell you are a very sweet guy. So just know that I will earn your trust, and you'll be able to talk to me anytime you need."

Tears started to sting Matthew's eyes. He wrapped his arms around Gilbert's shoulders, hiding his face and just cried. Gilbert rubbed his back, whispering soothing words into his ear.

"Don't worry, awesome shall help you!"

* * *

Once it reached 2:30, everyone started to leave their classrooms happy to get home. Well, most were happy to get home. Matthew and Gilbert walked out of their history classroom together.

"Well, I'm guessing you're going to go find your brother, Birdie?"

"First I need to find Lovino. No doubt he'll be with Antonio."

"I need to go see Antonio, so why don't I walk to them with you?"

"I'd like that." Matt giggled.

They walked to the bench where they usually sat at lunchtimes. Sure enough, there was Lovino and Antonio. Apparently Toni hadn't screwed up, since Lovino had just kissed his cheek, and as impossible as it seems, was giggling. Matt started to walk over there, but Gilbert grabbed his sleeve.

"What's the matter, Mr _Awesome?_"

"Can I have your number? And I'll give you mine?"

"'Kay."

Gil handed his phone to Matt who entered the number, and vice versa with Gilbert. After all that, they continued to walk over to Toni and Lovi. At the same time, Feli was pulling Ludwig to that same spot. Lovino suddenly jumped off Antonio's lap, brushing off his clothes and coughing awkwardly.

"Aw, you and Toni are so cute fratello~!"

"Yeah, whatever, let's go!"

Lovino grabbed Matthew's and Feliciano's hands walking away. Matthew turned and waved goodbye to Gilbert sweetly. He turned back around and blushed deeply.

"You like Gilbert, don't you, ve~?"

"Huh? What? NO!"

Feliciano's giggles could be heard back at the bench, where Gilbert was holding back a stupid looking grin. Secretly, he'd seen Matthew's blush.

Antonio started laughing like an idiot. "You already like him, si?"

"Huh? NO! No, no, no, we're just friends."

"Of course, bruder, that's also why your face is pink."

"Shut up West!"

* * *

Once Matthew got home, he jumped out the door and ran to the house. Al gave a puzzled look before walking up and unlocking the door. Aimee was apparently asleep and Francis was still at work. As Matt started to walk to his room, he heard a chuckle from behind him.

"I haven't seen you this happy for a long time. Not that I'm complaining."

"Well, I guess."

"You like someone, I'm guessing?"

"What? Why does everyone assume that?"

"Because your face is so red I'm surprised you can't feel it burning."

Al laughed before walking to his room. Matt decided to follow suit and walk off to his room as well.

* * *

After sitting in his room for an hour, Gilbert walked out to see his Grandfather, Kaiser.

"Hallo, grossvater."

Kaiser looked up from his paper. "Mm…You look happy."

"What?"

"I said you look happy."

"Why would you say that?"

"You're smiling like an idiot at your phone, dummkopf," Ludwig interrupted impatiently, "and let me guess, you're staring at a photo you took with that American."

"He's Canadian, you ass!"

"Do you like him?" Kaiser asked.

"Why does everyone keep saying that!"

Gilbert left, throwing his arms up in the air.

He was looking at a photo he took with Birdie though.

His Birdie.

* * *

**Yeah, Germania is Klaus.**

**Till next time,**

**SouleaterShinigami~!xx**


	4. Chapter 4: They were right!

**Hey guys~! What's this two updates so suddenly! Yes, yes, I was in a writey mood!**

**I start my second school semester tomorrow (Currently 10 pm) so updates may speed up or slow down even more. Not sure.**

**But this one is longer almost four full pages on Word.**

**Thanks to:  
Princess-Canada  
blueisme  
crazy purple ninja  
Idea-explosion  
murasakipocky  
wolfer  
Violettree  
gaarastolemyname13  
fluteprincess95  
Sorafiredemon  
SecretNation  
Ashe Nightshade  
Isarra Kirkland  
KayllanBreak  
seizerofyouvitalregions (Love the name ;))  
Bleachedwolfrest  
Wolfen Artsit of Hetalia  
Mew I is Dinosaur  
CinthMP  
Axsics  
Valkut  
Arkxy-chan  
Kumiki  
Dinosaurattack  
HappyLilac  
cr4n3k1n9  
Thanks for all the reviews, favourites and alerts~!**

* * *

At school the next morning, Lovino walked with Matthew away from the bench and interrogated him.

"You're happy, Mattie?"

"Yeah… I guess I am."  
"You had a good last night?"

"Yeah."

Lovino realised he had Matthew in his comfortable state, so he went for the question he'd been dieing to ask.

"You like Gilbert?"

"Yeah, I… wait, NO!"  
Lovino burst out laughing as Matthew turned with a red and flustered face.

"Don't laugh at me Lovi."

"Oh, shut up, idiota. Your expression is just adorable. I'm glad you like someone, I haven't seen you this happy since we were younger."

Lovino wrapped his arms around Matthew, squeezing him in his arms. Matthew relaxed and hugged back.

"Let's get back to everyone else." Matt stated breathlessly.

Once they reached the bench, the saw everyone was already there. Gilbert landed his eyes on Matthew and grinned extremely wide.

"Hey Birdie! We were just planning a party! Alfred's coming, do you wanna? It'd make awesome even more awesome to have Birdie there!"

Matthew looked down, hiding the slight blush. "Sure Gilbert. I'd love to!"

"And you have to come, Lovi, mi amor." Antonio interrupted, kissing Lovino on his forehead.

"Stop that! And I don't, I'm only going because I want to."

Matthew laughed at Lovi, pouting his lips in a stubborn fashion.

Suddenly, the bell went off indicating it was time for form class to begin.

* * *

Matthew and Lovino took their seats in the front of their form class. Their teacher –who was pretty awesome- walked in, ruffling his already messy red hair.

"Hey guys!"

"Hey Mr Kirkland!" everyone replied.

"You can call Allistor me when there's no other teachers around, guys." he laughed.

As he started calling out the class roll, Lovino leaned over to talk to Matt.

"Do you have his number?"  
"Yeah."

"Have you used it yet?"

"Lovino?" Allistor called

"Present."

"Right, well, no I haven't used it."

"Matthew?"

"Present."

"You better do it soon, idiota!"

"What are you guys talking about?" asked Seamus Kirkland, his green eyes shining with excitement.

"Matthew got Gilbert Beilschmidt's number and isn't using it, even though I can tell he likes him and their really good friends already."

"Lad, you really should talk to him about yer feelings." Allistor said, smiling.

"Aye, ya should! He's a pretty one though, ain't he?"

Matthew smiled, going slightly pink as the bell sounded for the first period of the day. He walked out of the classroom, about to walk to his science classroom, when he felt someone grab his hand. He turned to see crimson eyes.

"Would you like to walk together to science?"

"Of course, I would Birdie!"

They both laughed, and walked off towards the science labs. Lovino looked at them smiling for a moment, before turning on his heels heading for his English class.

* * *

Matthew and Gilbert arrived at their science class, and since no one ever wanted to sit next to Matt, Gilbert was allowed to sit there. Gilbert really didn't like science, and even Matthew, a great, little teacher's pet hated it, so they sat in the back of the room and talked almost all lesson. Towards the end Gilbert remembered the day before.

"Do you… want to talk about yesterday during lunch?"

"Hm?"

The Canadian tilted his head to the side, his brow knitted in confusion.

"About why Al threatened me? Why you cried?"

"Oh. Yeah, I… actually do trust you. That's suprising."

"Why?"  
"I don't usually trust people so easily anymore…"

"We can sit away from everyone else if you like."  
"I'd like that. Pick me up from my English class?"  
Gilbert beamed at Matthew.

When Mattie walked out of his English classroom, Gilbert couldn't be seen. Until he snuck up to Matthew and wrapped his arms around his midriff, making him squeal. Gilbert snickered quietly. Lovino walked up to the both of them.

"Come on, idioti."

"Oh, Lovi, Gilbert and I were going to go talk. Would you like to come actually? For support. I may get really bad."

"Do you seriously trust him enough?"  
"I… well, he's been quite a nice guy. So yeah, I do."

"Kay. But hand 'em over."

"Hand what over?" Gilbert interrupted.

Matthew panicked. He didn't want Gilbert to know about his self-harm issues.

'What if he gives up on me?' Matthew screamed in his head.

"I trust you with them for now. It'll be part of the story anyway, won't it?"  
Matthew nodded.

* * *

They walked to a bench far away from others. Once they sat, Lovino grabbed onto his hand.

Matthew told Gilbert of many events in his life. Like when Lovino moved to Ottawa when they were 7, when they instantly became best friends, making them friends for 11 years now. Those were the days Matthew constantly smiled. That was when his mother was around. She passed on in her sleep when Matthew and Al were 10. If that wasn't hard enough on him, his father Francis fell in love with a new woman, and it's hard for a 12 year old to accept a new mother. Then once Francis started working more to provide for them, her bad side started to show. He would have told his father, but he saw how in love his father was with his woman. He was used and abused, which triggered him to feel the need of self-harm.

As soon as Matthew reached the part about self-harm, his emotions escalated ad got worse than they already were. He fell off the chair, onto his knees and cried. He felt arms reach around he shoulders. He looked up expecting to see Lovino. He was shocked to see instead that it was Gilbert. Gil picked him up and put an arm around his waist.

"What are… you… doing?" Matt asked through sobs.

"Do you want to go home? I don't think you can stay here."

"NO! Don't make me go home. Please!"

Gilbert thought for a moment.

"Well, we're going to have to ditch and go somewhere else."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Of course."

Gilbert led Matt back to the large group of friends.

"I can't take you home, West. Birdie doesn't feel good, and doesn't want to go home, so I'm driving him somewhere."

"You best be joking." Al yelled.

"What?" asked Matthew.

"I'm not letting him take you som-"

Alfred was caught off guard by a pizza in his face. Lovino walked up to him, and punched him in the face.

"Matthew needs him and I'm not putting up with you, so shut your mouth fat ass."

Alfred immediately sat down, and Matt and Gilbert walked the back way around to the car park.

"My place, Birdie?"  
"Okay."

* * *

Gilbert helped Matthew into the house and to his room. Luckily, Kaiser wasn't home. He sat Matthew down on his bed and went to grab another shirt. As soon as he took his shirt off, Matthew went bright red. Concered –being the idiot he is- Gilbert rushed over to him, making sure he was okay. It just made Matt blush deeper.

"Are you alright?"  
"Um, yeah… it's just, um could you put a shirt back on."

Gilbert quickly put the shirt on.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think it'd make you uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry… I just… I, uh," Matthew sighed, "I need to tell you something."

"Yeah, what is it?"

"I… I like you."

It was barely audible but he caught it.

"You mean, _love _like or?"

"Yes," Matthew blushed like crazy, closing his eyes, "I'm sorry if it's awkward."

He opened his eyes to see Gil right in front of him.

"Not a problem, because honestly, I feel the same way." Gil smiled.

Matthew smiled in return. He slithered his arms around Gil's neck pulling them into a hug, in which Gil happily complied.

Gil broke from the hug and looked in Matthew's eyes before breaking the distance between them, kissing him softly on the lips. He pulled away to see Matthew expression. Surprisingly, he was radiating happiness as he imagined he would have looked like before his mother died.

"Does this mean you want to go out with me, Gil?"

"Hell yeah, Birdie!"

Gilbert grabbed Matthew waist and pulled him onto his lap. He closed his eyes and sat there hugging him happily, where both of them fell asleep.

* * *

'_Me and Bakura,_

_We will have our revenge,_

_Him and me will take you leather pants'_

Both boys were woken by the sound of Matthew's ringtone. Matthew quickly grabbed it.

"Hello?" His face istantly dropped from bliss to worry.

"I'm sorry papa, I forgot to call you, I'm staying over someone's house… Yes, see you tomorrow."

"Your dad?"

"Yeah."

"So you're staying?"  
"If it's okay."

"Of course, my birdie."

Gilbert leaned down, kissing Matthew on the forehead, before moving onto his lips.

At that moment, Kaiser entered the room. "I was wondering what the noi…"

Gilbert instantly moved off Matthew as Matthew's face was dyed a deep red.

"I can explain!"  
"So this is the boy you're in love with. Hello, I'm Kaiser, Gilbert's grandfather."

"Hello, I'm Matthew." Birdie stated as he sat up.

"Wait… so you're not upset that I'm gay?"  
"Honestly, I could tell, boy."  
Kaiser left the room laughed slightly at Gilbert's shocked face. Matthew took it as a chance to tackle Gilbert and kiss him.

"Looks like my dad's next."

* * *

**Allistor = Scotland  
Seamus = Ireland**

**Whoever can guess who I got "You best be joking." from and name the name and the artist of the song for Mattie's ringtone, gets to choose which country appears next. (HINT: Both are famous YouTubers. Yes, I'm a YouTube nerd.)**

**Lucky guessin'.**

**SouleaterShinigami!**


	5. Chapter 5: Love Through Another

**I'm so sorry that I got distracted. I was having some self-esteem issues and some other stuff I needed to sort out. I realised I was being to OOC, but I hope this regains you trust in me. I'll try to make the next one longer.**

* * *

It was around 7 when Gil and Matt woke up. Gilbert stretched and went and got one of his smaller shirts for Matthew to wear. After they were ready, they grabbed their bags and walked into the living room.

"What do you want for breakfast, Gilbert?" Kaiser asked.

"It's okay, I'm gonna take Matthew out to get McDonald's, that all right with you Birdie?"

"Yeah."

Gilbert finally found his keys, and headed off to McDonald's.

"Uh… Gil?"  
"Yeah."

"My house is along the way. Can we stop in for a second?"  
"Of course."

Matthew gave Gilbert directions to his home, and they both walked in together. Matt approached the backdoor, sliding it open. Suddenly, a Samoyed dog strolled over to Matthew.

"Hello Kuma~." Matthew cooed.

He grabbed Kumajirou's food bowl and walked to the kitchen. When he turned around from the fridge, he saw Francis enter the kitchen to make his and Al's breakfast.

"I thought you weren't coming home until this afternoon."

"We were passing by, so I wanted to check in on Kumajirou."

Matthew finished filling Kuma's water and food and sat it on the tiles outside for him.

"We?"

"Oh, yeah, this is Gilbert Beilshmidt. I stayed over his house last night."  
"Nice to meet you, Gilbert~."

Gilbert smiled and nodded. "You too, Mr Williams."

"Oh no, that was Matthew's mother's last name, I'm Bonnefoy. But please, call me Francis."

Gilbert smiled.

"We have to get going papa." Matthew stated, kissing his father on the cheek.

"Adieu. Papa vous aime tant."

"Merci, papa."

Matthew picked up his bag, as he and Gilbert made their way back to the car.

* * *

Matthew slid out of Gilbert's car, taking a drink from his coffee. He and Gilbert made their way to the bench.

"Awesome dog."

"Kuma? Yeah, I love him."

"How long have you had him?"

"8 years. He was the last present from my mama I ever had."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, through him I can remember her so well. All of her love. Never disgusted by me or turning her back on me..."

Matthew frowned before raising his spirits reached up and pecked Gil on the lips quickly. He knew very well no one would see, most people didn't start showing up until 8, and it was only 7:30.

"Che diavolo!" a shocked Italian voice could be heard.

Matthew had forgotten Lovino and Antonio got here early.

"What is it, Lo- MIERDA!"

Both the Spaniard and the Italian had confused looks until the former started laughing.

"We could tell you guys liked each other!"

"So does that mean you're dating now?"

Matthew nodded slowly noticing Lovino had calmed down.

"Well… that's good."

* * *

**Bad? Yeah. I know, sorry. Bye.**


	6. Chapter 6:

**I may not post for a while, as I am only allowed an hor o the laptop a day on certain conditions for a month. I promise I wil try, but there may be big gaps. Thnks for all the support and reviews. I also tried to fix everything you wanted fixed.**

* * *

Matthew was spread out on his bed, blue flannel shirt contrasting his white skinnies. Suddenly, his odd ringtone disturbed the silence. He noticed the caller I.D. flashing Gilbert's contact name, 'AWESOME!'.

"Hello."

"He~~~y Bi~~~rdi~~~~e! I'm out the front waiting for you."

Gilbert had decided to actually throw the party he'd planned, and Matthew was first to be invited. Formally at least.

"Yep, I'll be out there in a sec."

He closed his phone sliding it into his pocket along with his keys and wallet. As he walked down stairs to see if Alfred was ready and say his goodbyes, he noticed his papa dressed up.

"Why are you dressed up?" Matthew asked this with the smallest hint of fear.

"I'm going to the party with you and your brother. I was already friends with Antonio, and Gilbert is very… awesome," Francis laughed at the Prussian's own description for himself, "We even have a name for our little friendship. The Bad Touch Trio. Oh hon hon hon~."

Matthew stood there, mouth hanging open and eyes widened in shock.

"You are seriously the weirdest man I have _ever_ met."

Matthew walked out the door when he noticed Al walk down. It turned out Alfred was getting a ride with Iggy, but Francis was getting a lift with Gilbert. Matthew stayed quiet the whole to Antonio's house. Toni's house was the only place it could be held, since he was the only one living without parents. The music was already blaring as we entered the house. It was a pretty nice house, 3 bedrooms, huge backyard, modern look.

'His parents honestly have too much money.' he noted in his head.

"Hey guys!" Antonio called to them as he walked over with Lovi.

"Hey Toni!" Gilbert and Francis replied in unison to the greeting.

Matthew didn't even get a chance to fit in a greeting before he was dragged to the yard by a rather angry Italian. Nothing unusual.

"Why did you drag me out here, Lovi?"

"Friggin' party. I hate it. I don't want to be here."

"I thought you liked it here."

Matthew smirked as Lovi went red. He looked about ready to kill even him.

"Come on, calm down."

He flipped Matt off as he walked to squish his face against the window, scowl still very present. Matt looked at him, following his gaze. He couldn't hold in giggles afterwards. It was Feli sitting on Ludwig's lap, talking ad giggling.

"Honestly, you can't be happy for him?"  
Lovino stared daggers straight into his eyes. A definite no.

A few hours later, everyone was having fun, dancing and singing along to ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D, courtesy of Kiku. Matthew had decided to go with Lovi to mess with the music.

"What do you want to put on?" Lovi asked.

Matthew held up his phone, smiling.

_(1,2,3,4)_

_All the things that you said was it all in my head?_

_Come on baby_

_Keep it down, honey hush your lips_

_Clothes trailing from the backdoor to the bedroom_

_And I don't even know your name_

_(Woo) Give me all you've got_

_Make this night worth my time_

_Make this worth my time_

No one seemed to be bothered by the change of music. Some even started to headbang.

"Is that how you feel, Birrrrrrrrrrdie?"

Matthew jumped as he felt Gilbert's arms wrap around his midriff and hot breath down his neck.

"Antonio's looking for you."

Lovino knew the message was for him, even if Gil didn't look at him. Once Lovi left, Gilbert picked Matthew up bridal style carrying him to one of the two spare bedrooms of the house.

"What are you doing?"  
"Want to stay with me tonight?"

"Papa?"

"Already went home."

Matthew answered the earlier question with a small kiss.

Gilbert pushed open a door, and sat him on the bed. He kissed him and Matthew was more than happy to comply.

"I don't want to go far tonight."

"Thank you." Matthew whispered.

Gilbert smiled and pulled him into his lap, kissing his neck. Matthew giggled snuggling into him.

* * *

A few hours later, Matthew and Gilbert had woken up in each other's arms, bare-chested. They pulled their shirts on and left the room. They noted that everyone was gone.

"It's… 1 am. Want me to take you home?"

"Okay. Yeah."

They left Toni's house quietly and headed back to Matthew's house. Once they got there they both headed inside and settled in for the night in each other's arms.

* * *

**Sorry if it sucks. And that was Asking Alexandria. Be kind. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Yes, yes, I've been really slow. I got in trouble many times, my school took my laptop, I haven't been feeling the best and I've been working on my own story and new fanfiction. By the way, if you can check out 'Mind in Ruins' by MrsChloeSutcliff on .**

* * *

Matthew sat in the corner of his room. He was confused; everything had been getting better until that Saturday morning when he had come home and slapped by Aimee. One thing had stopped the comfort that had been in him that morning. Maybe it wasn't one thing. He realised that he had been getting noticed more because of Gilbert. He thought about Thursday, when a group of guys from Matthew's HPE class cornered him after class. They had said… horrible things about Matthew, since his sexuality was basically common knowledge now, and, well, to be honest, he was an easy target. Mattie looked at his wrists, breaking out of thought. He had a few rubber bands around it, which had given to him by Gilbert, in case he thought of self harm. He flicked them against his skin, as a knock sounded on his door. Francis walked in, and smiled.

"We're going out for dinner, if you want to get ready."

"I… I don't think so."

"Gilbert can come if you like. Arthur is."

"Gilbert has to go visit his Uncle for a family dinner or something."

"Are you sure?"  
"Definitely."

After Francis left the room, Matthew heard shuffling until they had all left. He pressed play on his laptop.

Matthew walked a lap of his room before collapsing on his bed with his writing pad. He started to write poems, before stopping to listen and sing along to the song that caught his attention.

"You're all that I hoped I'd find…In every single way, and everything I could give is everything you couldn't take, cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away and the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay. Cause I know I'm good for something, I just haven't found it yet…

But I need it"

After the last line, Matthew's eyes filled with tears. He flicked the bands against his wrist until they were bright red. His head started to spin with the taunts he'd heard over the years.

'Why? Why did this happen to me?' Matthew's mind was swirling with these thoughts, 'I don't think I can take anymore bullying.'

He had started to pull on his hair before he spotted a metal box. Mattie crawled over to the box and pulling out a roll of bandages and a small metal razor. Lifting his arm, he inspected before choosing the better spot so as to not die from blood loss. He was about to push the razor in as his door was slammed open and it was ripped from his hands. He looked up to see the familiar face of a certain German boy, except his red eyes were filled with tears and his face red from exhaustion.

"G-Gilbert?"

Pale arms were wrapped around Matthew as Gil picked him up.

"I was wondering why you weren't answering your phone when I got home. I left a bunch of messages. I was being safe, since I know you don't cope well in pain," It was just a whisper in Matthew's ear, "I hate being away from you."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise. Please. It's okay."

Gilbert laid Mattie on the bed and sat next to him, brushing hair out of his face, and quietly singing a lullaby in German.

"Do you think you… uh, might be able to stay?"

"If you want me, of course, my little Birdie."

Matthew curled into Gilbert and quietly fell asleep, even if his mind wasn't quite at rest.


	8. So, so sorry, mates

I am honestly sorry.  
So, I know you guys must be so annoyed, but here's my explanation for not posting. 1) I got into a spot of trouble at school. No more laptop.  
2) I had the worst writers block.  
3) I still have no ideas.  
4) My home laptop got a really bad virus and shut down permanently.  
5) I've hardly done anything lately, as I have felt horrible.  
Well, I hope you can forgive me. I'm going to try get one up before Christmas. But no promises.  



	9. 8: Hiding from what can't be seen

Matthew turned in his bed slightly, an uncomfortable look on his face. In his head, was a nightmare, one of the horrible night he witnessed his mother's death. In the corrupt dream, his mother was on the floor, tears streaming down her face. Matthew was about to make his presence known, but she held a knife to her throat, cutting right across, collapsing to the floor. Matthew had screamed to late to get his mother's attention. Francis and Alfred had run in, asking why he'd screamed. Matthew pointed towards his mother, eyes wide in shock, before everything but himself was engulfed in shadows. The voices emanating from the shadows filled his head with blame. It was his fault his mother did it, they said. He was a bad child, they said. This was the only nightmare Matthew had had since that night, but suddenly, it changed. A new group of voices joined the chant. They said things like Gilbert didn't actually like him and he had no friends not even Lovino. Matthew jolted awake in a cold sweat. He shocked the sleeping boy next to him. "You okay?"  
"Y-yeah, I'm ... fine."  
Matt stood and walked out of his room, into the bathroom, wiping his face with water. Once he returned, he chucked on a shirt over his skinnies.  
It was 7:30. Great!  
"I'm going to go get Al up. After that we can leave if you want."  
"Kay."  
Once Al was up, Matthew grabbed his bag and headed out with Gil.

* * *

Matthew walked into his form class and sat down. He'd made it to school just as the bell rang. Luckily Allistor wasn't in yet.  
"Late? Really?" Lovi asked, an extremely unimpressed look passing his face.  
"Yeah...sorry."  
"What's up?"  
"Nothing."  
"Want to talk? "  
Matthew answered with nothing, just gripping the desk tightly. Lovino knew this side of Matt. He'd seen it so many times before. The Italian decided it was best to keep an eye on the boy.

* * *

The day had gone by fairly fast for Matt, though it might have been the distance from everyone else causing that. That had made everyone worried. Matthew had gotten Gilbert to just drop him off. Matt stalked up the driveway, still looking quietly angry. As soon as he entered his house, he was met with screeching.  
"Why was there not food when I got up, huh? You're mentioned to up helping everyone!"  
Helping? Okay, we'll call it that.  
"Hi Aimee."  
Matthew started towards his room.  
"Don't walk away!"  
Matthew let out a frustrated laugh and walked into his room. When ho got to his bed, Matthew pulled out his phone and sent a message to Gil.  
*2:49 pm* *Don't worry about picking me up tomorrow. I'm gonna walk.*  
*2:50 pm*  
*You sure?*  
*2:50 pm*  
*Yeah. Just don't pick me up.*

* * *

Gilbert stared at the text message. Birdie had seemed so distant today, and now he didn't want him to pick him up? It seemed like Matt was closing back into his walls he had before Gil. He was confused as to why Birdie would do this. Had he done something wrong?... he didn't think so. Gilbert pinched his wall in frustration.

* * *

Lovino paced his room, thinking about Matt's behaviour today. He hadn't acted so shut off since... wait, it was like a less severe version of the way he acts when...  
"Mio Dio! This better not progress fast!"  
Lovino picked up his phone, trying to call Matthew.  
"Merda!" He wasn't picking up. Lovi decided to try his home number.  
"Hello." Aimee answered.  
"Where's Matthew?"  
"I don't know. He took a bag and the dog, and left. We had a fight and seemed shaken up. I guess urgent to clear his head."  
"and you let him?!"  
"Yeah..."  
"Oh Dio."  
Lovi hung up, grabbed his cost and headed out to the front door.  
"Where are you going Fratello?"  
"To Gilbert's house. It's Matt."  
Feli looked concerned and waved goodbye to Lovino.

* * *

Matthew walked along the raining streets, with Kumajirou by his side.  
"I can hear them Kuma. They're stronger than usual. I can even see them again. Mon Dieu!" He fell to his knees, looking around.  
"I know they're just my imagination, but... I'm so scared."  
Matt strode up, grabbing his bag and Kuma and ran as fast as he could.

* * *

Gilbert heard someone knocking on the front door. Who could want them at 7:30? Ludwig was the one that opened the door since he was too lazy.  
"Hello."  
"Whatever. I need your brother."  
An Italian accent?  
Gil stood up and walked to the door.  
"Lovino?"  
"I need... Your... Help." Lovino spat the last word in disgust.  
"I'm not helping you with that attitude."  
"It's Matthew."  
With that comment, both boys were out in the rain heading towards Gilbert's car.

* * *

Think I'm getting better guys.

I kept getting distracted by ROTG Jackrabbit Fanfiction though. cx

Love, SouleaterShinigami! :3


End file.
